I Don't Have to Tell You Everything

When writing memoir and personal essays is NOT an opening of our diary

In today’s post, we’re discussing the differences between private journaling and writing for publication. For me, scribbling in journals is an important first step for me personally and for me as a writer. If you’re interested in learning more about journaling as a new mom, keep your eyes on ashleyfenker.com for an exclusive Black Friday through Cyber Monday deal on Postpartum Journaling 101!

When I publish a story about my real life, it’s not my job to tell you every juicy detail. In fact, great memoirists and essayists understand the magic of white space.

Maggie Smith

says it like this in her beautiful memoir, You Could Make This Place Beautiful:

“This isn’t a tell-all because some of what I’m telling you is what I don’t know. I’m offering the absences, too—the spaces I know aren’t empty, but I can’t see what’s inside them. Like the white spaces between stanzas in a poem: What is unspoken, unwritten there? How do we read those silences?”

My mom recently read a final copy of my essay collection that will be published in early 2025. She cried. I warned her to have tissues handy.

Honestly, I’ve dreaded letting her read this collection about my complicated journey into motherhood. She knows the story behind the story. She knows exactly where I’ve written a line that stops, a line that says just enough but stops short of telling readers exactly what I mean by that word choice or exactly what happens next in the story.